The week following the dedication we had a big party to celebrate the boys adoption.
Chad and I also took the boys to a prayer night our church holds twice a month specifically for healing. We wanted the generational curses of their biological family broken off.
The three praying for us were great! Rejection, addiction, and fear were some of the things cut off. Sexual purity was prayed into the boys. Leadership was sown into Chad. Love was prayed over me.
God destroyed the old and gave the boys a new, rich heritage.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
My heart, our life, God's plan. part 33
Another hard Sunday for the childless mom is dedication day. Thankfully, our church only does them twice a year. I'd had a secret request to Jesus. The next baby dedication would be July 6th and I'd hoped with all my might we could partake in it (I'm still giggling like a school girl at the delight Jesus so sweetly gave). Chad and I felt we weren't to dedicate the boys until they were legally ours. Thankfully-again- our church was very generous with the idea of putting our slideshow together and having to pull it at the last minute.
With legalities behind us we proceeded with the dedication. For some, dedication Sunday isn't a big deal, but for me it was a MAJOR thing. It sealed the deal for me more so than the courts. It felt like God's seal being placed on us. I wanted everyone close to be there. It would be an uncomfortable moment as it would be the first time all sides of the family had been in the same vicinity since my parents divorce.
The day came and I was thrilled to see everyone made it. It was a morning for rejoicing! The pastor made a joke about our family being the majority of the congregation as all 20 of us went down to pray for the God formed family!
I was tickled pink!
With legalities behind us we proceeded with the dedication. For some, dedication Sunday isn't a big deal, but for me it was a MAJOR thing. It sealed the deal for me more so than the courts. It felt like God's seal being placed on us. I wanted everyone close to be there. It would be an uncomfortable moment as it would be the first time all sides of the family had been in the same vicinity since my parents divorce.
The day came and I was thrilled to see everyone made it. It was a morning for rejoicing! The pastor made a joke about our family being the majority of the congregation as all 20 of us went down to pray for the God formed family!
I was tickled pink!
My heart, our life, God's plan. part 32
July 2, 2008
Lord, what a great few days! What a smooth and painless court appearance. June 30, 2008. You started a new lineage for the boys---HALLELUJAH!
The court experience had God's hand all over it. We were able to go down to Brownwood on a Sunday and stay at a family friends lake house. My brother, his wife, and their little boy came with us. We spent the day jumping into the lake and playing around. It was a great day!
We waited in the hallway of the courthouse for about 15 minutes before being called in. As we walked into the courtroom the Judge (who is known for loving adoption cases, saves them for the end of his day, and makes sure to take pictures with the new families) said "these people look alot alike." [I never get tired or hearing that!]
It was a simple procedure, swearing in, agreeing to take care of the boys. The kids got to sit on the bench and we preoccupied them with a kleenex box. We were so blessed to have my brother there to take pictures for us and to have all three of them there to support us. (They apparently got teary eyed but it was too much of a whirlwind for Chad and I to even think to cry!)
We topped off the day by stopping to get a much needed Spiderman cookie cake. The ladies in the bakery loved the brief version of our family story. Then off for a nice lunch.
I thought I looked pretty awesome for laboring 50 pounds of kid!
Lord, what a great few days! What a smooth and painless court appearance. June 30, 2008. You started a new lineage for the boys---HALLELUJAH!
The court experience had God's hand all over it. We were able to go down to Brownwood on a Sunday and stay at a family friends lake house. My brother, his wife, and their little boy came with us. We spent the day jumping into the lake and playing around. It was a great day!
We waited in the hallway of the courthouse for about 15 minutes before being called in. As we walked into the courtroom the Judge (who is known for loving adoption cases, saves them for the end of his day, and makes sure to take pictures with the new families) said "these people look alot alike." [I never get tired or hearing that!]
It was a simple procedure, swearing in, agreeing to take care of the boys. The kids got to sit on the bench and we preoccupied them with a kleenex box. We were so blessed to have my brother there to take pictures for us and to have all three of them there to support us. (They apparently got teary eyed but it was too much of a whirlwind for Chad and I to even think to cry!)
We topped off the day by stopping to get a much needed Spiderman cookie cake. The ladies in the bakery loved the brief version of our family story. Then off for a nice lunch.
I thought I looked pretty awesome for laboring 50 pounds of kid!
My heart, our life, God's plan. part 31
June 29, 2008
Lord, what are you teaching me with yesterday's events??????
Chad and I were anxiously awaiting June 30, our court date. We were very blessed to have had a change in the boys case worker. God graced us with a case worker that was on top of things! She gave us a checklist of things we needed to have done on our end and worked her tail off to get us where we needed to be by our 6 month mark. So the date was set for June 30th in Brownwood. 6 months and 2 weeks from the day we got the boys. Pretty close to unheard of in CPS. But God does the unheard!
All the while we were expressing our excitement about our court date to the boys along with friends and family. We shared that on that day we would become a "forever" family. A term that had been used when the boys came to live with us. Hindsight being what it is, we might should have used a different term. I believe that JD knew enough to know that "forever family" meant change. JD's behavior to a typical timeout during his last soccer game brought a horrifying response. You could hear him screaming over 3 soccer games.
Can I make a suggestion? I think others should look to make sure a child is not being injured, but if its a fit don't stop to stare. I had to use every ounce of will power not to express my discontent with the old ladies scoffing at me, the young men looking in disbelief. I wanted to scream "he is a foster child learning of change and not understanding it!" Well, if I were being completely honest, I wanted to yell obscenities at them and punch them in the face.
It was a horrible fit. JD had to stay home from a birthday party. I had to put the ironing board in front of his room to prevent me from going and throwing him through the window. (Okay, not literal but I knew it was best for him to work this out on his own and I needed some time to cool off as well so I put up a physical barrier).
I'd never seen a child with so much rage. It wasn't a three year old tantrum. It was a glimpse of the pain that he must have felt. Rejection, abondment, fear, uncertainty, hunger, longing for love and familiarity--- it all came out that hot Saturday morning.
Lord, what are you teaching me with yesterday's events??????
Chad and I were anxiously awaiting June 30, our court date. We were very blessed to have had a change in the boys case worker. God graced us with a case worker that was on top of things! She gave us a checklist of things we needed to have done on our end and worked her tail off to get us where we needed to be by our 6 month mark. So the date was set for June 30th in Brownwood. 6 months and 2 weeks from the day we got the boys. Pretty close to unheard of in CPS. But God does the unheard!
All the while we were expressing our excitement about our court date to the boys along with friends and family. We shared that on that day we would become a "forever" family. A term that had been used when the boys came to live with us. Hindsight being what it is, we might should have used a different term. I believe that JD knew enough to know that "forever family" meant change. JD's behavior to a typical timeout during his last soccer game brought a horrifying response. You could hear him screaming over 3 soccer games.
Can I make a suggestion? I think others should look to make sure a child is not being injured, but if its a fit don't stop to stare. I had to use every ounce of will power not to express my discontent with the old ladies scoffing at me, the young men looking in disbelief. I wanted to scream "he is a foster child learning of change and not understanding it!" Well, if I were being completely honest, I wanted to yell obscenities at them and punch them in the face.
It was a horrible fit. JD had to stay home from a birthday party. I had to put the ironing board in front of his room to prevent me from going and throwing him through the window. (Okay, not literal but I knew it was best for him to work this out on his own and I needed some time to cool off as well so I put up a physical barrier).
I'd never seen a child with so much rage. It wasn't a three year old tantrum. It was a glimpse of the pain that he must have felt. Rejection, abondment, fear, uncertainty, hunger, longing for love and familiarity--- it all came out that hot Saturday morning.
My heart, our life, God's plan. part 30
The month of May and June allowed some comfort and ease in parenting. Though the attacks were still coming I was more aware of them, which meant I was better prepared to fight satan's lies. We were thrilled to sign JD up for soccer, Chad coaching. And although JD was only concerned about the snacks it was a delight to see Chad do the "dad" thing! And do it with confidence and ease.
My prayers continued to be that I would grow more comfortable in my own skin. That I would believe I had what it took, that God had given me what it would take to raise these boys. I also continued to ask the Lord how to allot my time. Finally coming clean with Chad that to be the wife and mom I wanted to be something had to give, which ended up meaning cereal or sandwiches for dinner. I wanted to be able to do everything- cook, clean, play with the boys, disciplinary, sex goddess- but something had to budge and with the help of Chad so graciously helping out and reminding me I couldn't (and didn't have to) do it all I learned to let go of some things.
While we were occupied molding together as a family our 6 month foster period was coming to an end.
My prayers continued to be that I would grow more comfortable in my own skin. That I would believe I had what it took, that God had given me what it would take to raise these boys. I also continued to ask the Lord how to allot my time. Finally coming clean with Chad that to be the wife and mom I wanted to be something had to give, which ended up meaning cereal or sandwiches for dinner. I wanted to be able to do everything- cook, clean, play with the boys, disciplinary, sex goddess- but something had to budge and with the help of Chad so graciously helping out and reminding me I couldn't (and didn't have to) do it all I learned to let go of some things.
While we were occupied molding together as a family our 6 month foster period was coming to an end.
Friday, May 22, 2009
My heart, our life, God's plan. part 29
May 11, 2008 Mother's Day
Father thank you for keeping faith and Your plan for the children You've brought despite my lack of faith. Thank you for making me a mother!!!
The year prior my mom was in town for mothers day, my brother and wife also with us at church with their son. It was a rough day- one that I was going to get through without crying. That was until David, our preacher, called the moms, moms to be, and those with a mothers heart. Those who long to be a mother but have not seen it yet. --enter buckets of tears here- I wanted to be strong as I stood, as my mom and husband wrapped their arms around me. As my big brother reached over mom to grab my shoulder. But it hurt, it hurt that they knew it was killing me inside. It hurt knowing they were watching all of this and wondering "why" just like Chad and I...
As you can imagine, despite the pain of the previous year (I cry now reminiscing), I was simply delighted to have my very own Mother's Day. And I had two sweet little ones to call me mommy a million times that day! Chad got me an oval shaped silver locket with tiny pictures of my two little ones. It was such a sweet day and will always be a time to give God praise for His amazing gifts of the heart.
Father thank you for keeping faith and Your plan for the children You've brought despite my lack of faith. Thank you for making me a mother!!!
The year prior my mom was in town for mothers day, my brother and wife also with us at church with their son. It was a rough day- one that I was going to get through without crying. That was until David, our preacher, called the moms, moms to be, and those with a mothers heart. Those who long to be a mother but have not seen it yet. --enter buckets of tears here- I wanted to be strong as I stood, as my mom and husband wrapped their arms around me. As my big brother reached over mom to grab my shoulder. But it hurt, it hurt that they knew it was killing me inside. It hurt knowing they were watching all of this and wondering "why" just like Chad and I...
As you can imagine, despite the pain of the previous year (I cry now reminiscing), I was simply delighted to have my very own Mother's Day. And I had two sweet little ones to call me mommy a million times that day! Chad got me an oval shaped silver locket with tiny pictures of my two little ones. It was such a sweet day and will always be a time to give God praise for His amazing gifts of the heart.
My heart, our life, God's plan. part 28
During the foster process you have someone constantly checking in on you. We had monthly in home visits with our case worker, monthly in home checkins with the boys case worker, and most times another random something or another. There is almost a sense of paranoia that accompanies having a foster child in your home. I suppose it was less paranoia and more of a heightened awareness. You worry that someone in the grocery store sees you grab your child's arm too hard, panic that watching eyes may feel the need to call cps if a fit is thrown publicly. You keep your head on a swivel for a season and pray pray pray!
And that is what we did.
May 7, 2008
God, be with the boys today when Toni comes for the inspection. Be God of this home. Grant us with Your grace oh Holy Lord!
And that is what we did.
May 7, 2008
God, be with the boys today when Toni comes for the inspection. Be God of this home. Grant us with Your grace oh Holy Lord!
My heart, our life, God's plan. part 27
Satan was pulling out all of the stops- even attacking me while I slept. Dreams kept me up...
April 23, 2008
Lord, protect me against attack- esp at night. Lord, I remember there was an older man reaching out for me while I lay in our bed in this house in our room. Chad said he woke up to me screaming. I was hazy and trembling. It took me a few minutes to be woken up or to respond to Chad talking to me. My heart was pounding...
I was worn out. Fighting the enemy was becoming a full time job. I was close so many times to surrendering and letting him win. My journal has weeks, months worth of pleading for God to give me rest, to consume me, to direct me.
April 28, 2008
Another dream, this time someone tried to attack a friend and I stepped in and began clawing my way out of the persons grasp... GOD YOU REMAIN IN AUTHORITY OVER LIGHT AND DARKNESS. I REBUKE THE EVIL WANTING IN BY YOUR GLORIOUS NAME JESUS CHRIST!
April 23, 2008
Lord, protect me against attack- esp at night. Lord, I remember there was an older man reaching out for me while I lay in our bed in this house in our room. Chad said he woke up to me screaming. I was hazy and trembling. It took me a few minutes to be woken up or to respond to Chad talking to me. My heart was pounding...
I was worn out. Fighting the enemy was becoming a full time job. I was close so many times to surrendering and letting him win. My journal has weeks, months worth of pleading for God to give me rest, to consume me, to direct me.
April 28, 2008
Another dream, this time someone tried to attack a friend and I stepped in and began clawing my way out of the persons grasp... GOD YOU REMAIN IN AUTHORITY OVER LIGHT AND DARKNESS. I REBUKE THE EVIL WANTING IN BY YOUR GLORIOUS NAME JESUS CHRIST!
My heart, our life, God's plan. part 26
When we got the boys Chad and I had been married 6 and 1/2 years. We'd gotten used to one another, familiar with our "hot" buttons so to speak. [Some of you are smirking at where this is going]
Once we got the boys Chad and I had brand new issues to "discuss." This was another area Satan crept in. He lied to me telling me I was negative, complain-y, needy. That I was selfish.
I longed to be Chad's helper, his encourager, his biggest fan but learning to balance the kids in the mix was difficult. We struggled alot with submission and leadership. Before children there wasn't as much a need for this to occur. Sure there were a few minor hiccups where I had to shut my mouth but we've always worked as a team. Chad and I felt it so important that he lead the family- set the example, follow Christs calling but that was a challenge when I was running the show Monday-Friday 8am-5pm.
Again, more shame and guilt because I wasn't getting it right. That shame and guilt poured out into my confidence. Made me doubt we'd done the right thing even while my heart loved the boys as though I'd given them life...
Once we got the boys Chad and I had brand new issues to "discuss." This was another area Satan crept in. He lied to me telling me I was negative, complain-y, needy. That I was selfish.
I longed to be Chad's helper, his encourager, his biggest fan but learning to balance the kids in the mix was difficult. We struggled alot with submission and leadership. Before children there wasn't as much a need for this to occur. Sure there were a few minor hiccups where I had to shut my mouth but we've always worked as a team. Chad and I felt it so important that he lead the family- set the example, follow Christs calling but that was a challenge when I was running the show Monday-Friday 8am-5pm.
Again, more shame and guilt because I wasn't getting it right. That shame and guilt poured out into my confidence. Made me doubt we'd done the right thing even while my heart loved the boys as though I'd given them life...
My heart, our life, God's plan. part 25
Adjusting to motherhood has not been an easy journey. In fact, I think I had a harder time adjusting than anyone else in the house. Satan works non stop at his ploys. My heart was constantly battling the idea that I was a complete failure at mothering. If I got mad at the boys, I'd feel ashamed. If I didn't want to play with them, I felt guilty. I saw examples of what a "good" mom was and because I didn't look like them I must be bad. Not different, not unique, not blessed, but BAD.
God's grace is a beautiful thing but we have to choose it. Walk in it. I found myself having to speak thing over myself as reminders that the Lord was with me and I was good.
April 16, 2008
I am loving, dedicated, thoughtful, becoming generous, obedient, faithful, discerning, organized, trying, improving, holy, royal, light, bright, joyful, God's beautiful child!
God's grace is a beautiful thing but we have to choose it. Walk in it. I found myself having to speak thing over myself as reminders that the Lord was with me and I was good.
April 16, 2008
I am loving, dedicated, thoughtful, becoming generous, obedient, faithful, discerning, organized, trying, improving, holy, royal, light, bright, joyful, God's beautiful child!
Monday, May 18, 2009
My heart, our life, God's plan. part 24
Somewhere along the way Chad and I learned of some health concerns that should be being addressed with JD. First, our doctor shared that JD did indeed have asthma and should be doing a breathing treatment twice a day rather than as needed, which is what his previous home shared with us. JD also was diagnosed with 2 other syndromes that would require a semi-annual visit to Cook's Children Hospital that had fallen to the waste side.
At the point of learning this we were so very frustrated. Lack of communication, or hidden information, sneaked in again just as it had with Skylar. Even so, our hearts were to adopt these sweet little ones so we continued to move forward.
The appointments were more annoying than anything. The 6 hours of driving, nearly 2 hours of waiting, parking in a spot that I wasn't supposed to that required the hospital security to come help me out, and especially finding out that JD's doctor does a monthly clinic in Abilene.
Despite the annoyances God took care of us. The boys handled the long day well and we got good news that despite what JD had been diagnosed with at birth he was thriving!
At the point of learning this we were so very frustrated. Lack of communication, or hidden information, sneaked in again just as it had with Skylar. Even so, our hearts were to adopt these sweet little ones so we continued to move forward.
The appointments were more annoying than anything. The 6 hours of driving, nearly 2 hours of waiting, parking in a spot that I wasn't supposed to that required the hospital security to come help me out, and especially finding out that JD's doctor does a monthly clinic in Abilene.
Despite the annoyances God took care of us. The boys handled the long day well and we got good news that despite what JD had been diagnosed with at birth he was thriving!
My heart, our life, God's plan. part 23
March 6, 2008
Lord, I think what I am hearing is that I've relied on Chad to meet the majority of my needs- which could be the cause of his sicknesses over the last 2 months. Father, help me learn a balance of relying on You and sharing with Chad. I am fearful of how this revelation will change our marriage. What do I take to Chad or friends? I hear You saying bring it all to You first. That will totally take a reprogramming! So reprogram me Lord!
I heard You loud and clear Lord that we are not to give up or grow weary doing good so I will fight to do good- especially for my family. May I learn to find comfort, energy, and peace in You.
Lord, I think what I am hearing is that I've relied on Chad to meet the majority of my needs- which could be the cause of his sicknesses over the last 2 months. Father, help me learn a balance of relying on You and sharing with Chad. I am fearful of how this revelation will change our marriage. What do I take to Chad or friends? I hear You saying bring it all to You first. That will totally take a reprogramming! So reprogram me Lord!
I heard You loud and clear Lord that we are not to give up or grow weary doing good so I will fight to do good- especially for my family. May I learn to find comfort, energy, and peace in You.
My heart, our life, God's plan. part 22
March 5, 2008
Lord I am coming to You worn out, frustrated, and feeling helpless. Chad is sick. I am supposed to take care of him and the boys but Lord my question is who is taking care of me??? Lord, I believe the answer should be You, but I don't feel like I'm being taken care of. I get upset Chad is sick. I start feeling desperate, alone, tired, and then react in anger to the boys. I am so disappointed in myself.
Lord I am coming to You worn out, frustrated, and feeling helpless. Chad is sick. I am supposed to take care of him and the boys but Lord my question is who is taking care of me??? Lord, I believe the answer should be You, but I don't feel like I'm being taken care of. I get upset Chad is sick. I start feeling desperate, alone, tired, and then react in anger to the boys. I am so disappointed in myself.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
My heart, our life, God's plan. part 21
January 16, 2008
Lord Jesus, please grow Chad and I closer. Father help us both see what parenting is-especially Chad not getting as much practice as I do. Father help us all bond and find a solid "routine." Jesus, I am very nervous about schooling stuff- what if we can't get in, potty training, holding them back... Lord, I just don't know what we should do. Guide our conversations and decision making. Lord, plant a strong desire in each of the boys to deeply long to honor, love, and serve You from early in their lives. May they never feel rejection. May they feel comfortable and safe. Jesus may they know you early, serve you faithfully, and love you always...
Parenting brings many challenges. I've been told that starting at the "no" stage and skipping the stages that we did by getting two children at 2 and 3 complicates things even more. Chad and I were thrown into disciplining immediately. We longed for Chad to continue being the leader of the home but there was a power struggle. I was with the children all day long, had more practice (and opportunities for mistakes) so it made it difficult to switch over the authority at 5:15 daily. Just when we'd started to figure out this marriage stuff two little boys weighing in at less than 50 pounds together promoted many 'loud' discussions.
What was happening was the breaking of my desire to control. It had been a theme already in play but God really drove it home with the boys entering in my life.
I believed (and still do) that even if the boys did not remember their lives prior to age 3 satan wanted to come in and use heir past - specifically rejection - to haunt them. So prayer over that area became crucial quickly. In all honesty, prayer was the only thing keeping me sane as my world changed-in a good way, but changed non the less...
Lord Jesus, please grow Chad and I closer. Father help us both see what parenting is-especially Chad not getting as much practice as I do. Father help us all bond and find a solid "routine." Jesus, I am very nervous about schooling stuff- what if we can't get in, potty training, holding them back... Lord, I just don't know what we should do. Guide our conversations and decision making. Lord, plant a strong desire in each of the boys to deeply long to honor, love, and serve You from early in their lives. May they never feel rejection. May they feel comfortable and safe. Jesus may they know you early, serve you faithfully, and love you always...
Parenting brings many challenges. I've been told that starting at the "no" stage and skipping the stages that we did by getting two children at 2 and 3 complicates things even more. Chad and I were thrown into disciplining immediately. We longed for Chad to continue being the leader of the home but there was a power struggle. I was with the children all day long, had more practice (and opportunities for mistakes) so it made it difficult to switch over the authority at 5:15 daily. Just when we'd started to figure out this marriage stuff two little boys weighing in at less than 50 pounds together promoted many 'loud' discussions.
What was happening was the breaking of my desire to control. It had been a theme already in play but God really drove it home with the boys entering in my life.
I believed (and still do) that even if the boys did not remember their lives prior to age 3 satan wanted to come in and use heir past - specifically rejection - to haunt them. So prayer over that area became crucial quickly. In all honesty, prayer was the only thing keeping me sane as my world changed-in a good way, but changed non the less...
My heart, our life, God's plan. part 20
January 3, 2008 from the boys journal
You both are very well behaved. Everyone over Christmas thought you were adorable and said "they look like you and Chad!" You are great travelers and love to play at the gym and church. You love videos especially Diego.
Kade- you are into everything, especially technology things (buttons on t.v., stereo, alarm clocks). You love to pretend you are talking on the phone and you like balls, wrestling, and being thrown by anyone. If someone is laying on the floor you see it as an opportunity to pounce! You already know that dimple can get you things!
JD- you love to talk and ask "what's that?" You've renamed Truman "Tricky." You must have watched alot of t.v. because you know all the characters. You fight naptime every day but end up sleeping about 45 minutes. Yesterday was our first attempt in potty training and you pooped two times in the potty! You also helped sing Happy Birthday to Daddy yesterday.
The boys both continued to ask about their old foster family. Especially Alex, their older foster brother. The first night on our travels for Christmas was pretty hard for JD and Kade. They weren't sold on the fact Chad and I weren't leaving them.
There is a 'honeymoon' stage that is talked about with foster kids. The first month or so they are on their very best behavior. The boys seemed to not just be honeymooning it but rather settling in nicely.
I felt relief from Skylar leaving. That initial feeling of "whew" once I knew she was leaving provoked a tremendous amount of guilt. I believed I was hard hearted, selfish, and not mother material. LIES.LIES.LIES. I felt the second I met the boys they took on the attitude of "that's my momma!" We gelled immediately. Isn't God gracious to put the pieces of the puzzle together for us! I understood the relief was simply because she and I had not bonded. She was a confused little girl- what with having weekly visits where she saw her biological mother, her biological grandmother, and me. Skylar didn't see me as her mother. We never had that connection.
To this day I sparkle at the words "they look so much like you!"
You both are very well behaved. Everyone over Christmas thought you were adorable and said "they look like you and Chad!" You are great travelers and love to play at the gym and church. You love videos especially Diego.
Kade- you are into everything, especially technology things (buttons on t.v., stereo, alarm clocks). You love to pretend you are talking on the phone and you like balls, wrestling, and being thrown by anyone. If someone is laying on the floor you see it as an opportunity to pounce! You already know that dimple can get you things!
JD- you love to talk and ask "what's that?" You've renamed Truman "Tricky." You must have watched alot of t.v. because you know all the characters. You fight naptime every day but end up sleeping about 45 minutes. Yesterday was our first attempt in potty training and you pooped two times in the potty! You also helped sing Happy Birthday to Daddy yesterday.
The boys both continued to ask about their old foster family. Especially Alex, their older foster brother. The first night on our travels for Christmas was pretty hard for JD and Kade. They weren't sold on the fact Chad and I weren't leaving them.
There is a 'honeymoon' stage that is talked about with foster kids. The first month or so they are on their very best behavior. The boys seemed to not just be honeymooning it but rather settling in nicely.
I felt relief from Skylar leaving. That initial feeling of "whew" once I knew she was leaving provoked a tremendous amount of guilt. I believed I was hard hearted, selfish, and not mother material. LIES.LIES.LIES. I felt the second I met the boys they took on the attitude of "that's my momma!" We gelled immediately. Isn't God gracious to put the pieces of the puzzle together for us! I understood the relief was simply because she and I had not bonded. She was a confused little girl- what with having weekly visits where she saw her biological mother, her biological grandmother, and me. Skylar didn't see me as her mother. We never had that connection.
To this day I sparkle at the words "they look so much like you!"
My heart, our life, God's plan. part 19
Do you ever find yourself surprised that God knows what He is doing!?! I mean think about our time line. Even in loosing Skylar God was gracious. What a challenge we would have faced managing Skylar while mourning the loss of Chad's mom. We could not have helped Larry with so many of the details of the funeral.
Then the Lord plants these two delightful boys in our lives 2 weeks before Christmas. Our plans had been to spend Christmas day with Chad's dad- his first without Cathy. We all know the hope children can bring, the promise of new life that can lighten a heavy heart just from a child climbing up in your lap.
I believe in God's timing. My heart swells at the piece of joy God allowed us to taste after a season of such great loss. He surpasses all understanding!
Christmas 2007 brought laughter, kisses & hugs, and hope.
Then the Lord plants these two delightful boys in our lives 2 weeks before Christmas. Our plans had been to spend Christmas day with Chad's dad- his first without Cathy. We all know the hope children can bring, the promise of new life that can lighten a heavy heart just from a child climbing up in your lap.
I believe in God's timing. My heart swells at the piece of joy God allowed us to taste after a season of such great loss. He surpasses all understanding!
Christmas 2007 brought laughter, kisses & hugs, and hope.
Friday, May 1, 2009
My heart, our life, God's plan. part 18
December 14, 2007
Thank You for a productive day yesterday, You are such a great motivator! Jesus, fall on this home today. Father, fill Chad, JD, Kade, and myself with Your peace and comfort. May the boys feel Your ease as they experience leaving everything familiar. I ask that when they lay their heads down in a new bed tonight Father they feel YOUR presence and are not frightened nor worried, scared--- may nothing but YOUR abundant love, peace, grace, kindness surround JD and Kade. May we all adapt and adjust well and quickly!
December 15, 2007 from the boys journal
God sent us 2 little boys for Christmas on 12/7/07 and we fell in love. Rights are terminated so we hope for adoption within 6 months. The boys adjusted well the first night. JD asked several questions especially about where his "momma" and "poppa" were. They struggled to sleep but after about an hour slept all night. Today JD pooped and peed in the potty! Both boys napped at 11 for an hour after playing all morning. Kade and JD adjusted to Truman well and eating lots very cleanly! I tried to just give them dry cereal and they asked for milk--they know how to eat cereal with milk and no dribble! We had to put the Christmas presents away. JD is very outgoing and talkative. Kade is all boy but loves to cuddle.
Thank You for a productive day yesterday, You are such a great motivator! Jesus, fall on this home today. Father, fill Chad, JD, Kade, and myself with Your peace and comfort. May the boys feel Your ease as they experience leaving everything familiar. I ask that when they lay their heads down in a new bed tonight Father they feel YOUR presence and are not frightened nor worried, scared--- may nothing but YOUR abundant love, peace, grace, kindness surround JD and Kade. May we all adapt and adjust well and quickly!
December 15, 2007 from the boys journal
God sent us 2 little boys for Christmas on 12/7/07 and we fell in love. Rights are terminated so we hope for adoption within 6 months. The boys adjusted well the first night. JD asked several questions especially about where his "momma" and "poppa" were. They struggled to sleep but after about an hour slept all night. Today JD pooped and peed in the potty! Both boys napped at 11 for an hour after playing all morning. Kade and JD adjusted to Truman well and eating lots very cleanly! I tried to just give them dry cereal and they asked for milk--they know how to eat cereal with milk and no dribble! We had to put the Christmas presents away. JD is very outgoing and talkative. Kade is all boy but loves to cuddle.
My heart, our life, God's plan. part 17
The week was spent making phone calls, adjusting the old girl stuff to two of everything boyish. The boys were used to sharing a space so despite a 4 bedroom home the plan was to have them share while they adapted. I think it was hard for some of our friends and family to get excited after seeing the pain we endured with Skylar. By the grace of God, Chad and I never looked back. We were able to move forward with little to no fear. Hallelujah!
God's hand was in this. From clearing my congestion and cough before the boys came, to extra cash for two car seats, two booster seats, well you get the picture. We heard back after the weekend from our case worker. The boys foster mom fell in love with us and wanted the boys to be with their "forever family" despite it being hard for her to lose them.
Thanks to the favor shown from the foster family CPS made the efforts to quickly place the boys with us. They came to us 2 weeks before Christmas on December 14, 2007. Because of the boys being so close in age (11 months) and size we saught to create individuality by calling Jayden J.D. (for no other reason than he had a 'J' and a 'D' in his name). JD was 3 at the time and we felt he was too old for a complete name change. Kayden was shortened to Kade.
God's hand was in this. From clearing my congestion and cough before the boys came, to extra cash for two car seats, two booster seats, well you get the picture. We heard back after the weekend from our case worker. The boys foster mom fell in love with us and wanted the boys to be with their "forever family" despite it being hard for her to lose them.
Thanks to the favor shown from the foster family CPS made the efforts to quickly place the boys with us. They came to us 2 weeks before Christmas on December 14, 2007. Because of the boys being so close in age (11 months) and size we saught to create individuality by calling Jayden J.D. (for no other reason than he had a 'J' and a 'D' in his name). JD was 3 at the time and we felt he was too old for a complete name change. Kayden was shortened to Kade.
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