My heart, our life, God's plan. part 31

June 29, 2008
Lord, what are you teaching me with yesterday's events??????

Chad and I were anxiously awaiting June 30, our court date. We were very blessed to have had a change in the boys case worker. God graced us with a case worker that was on top of things! She gave us a checklist of things we needed to have done on our end and worked her tail off to get us where we needed to be by our 6 month mark. So the date was set for June 30th in Brownwood. 6 months and 2 weeks from the day we got the boys. Pretty close to unheard of in CPS. But God does the unheard!

All the while we were expressing our excitement about our court date to the boys along with friends and family. We shared that on that day we would become a "forever" family. A term that had been used when the boys came to live with us. Hindsight being what it is, we might should have used a different term. I believe that JD knew enough to know that "forever family" meant change. JD's behavior to a typical timeout during his last soccer game brought a horrifying response. You could hear him screaming over 3 soccer games.

Can I make a suggestion? I think others should look to make sure a child is not being injured, but if its a fit don't stop to stare. I had to use every ounce of will power not to express my discontent with the old ladies scoffing at me, the young men looking in disbelief. I wanted to scream "he is a foster child learning of change and not understanding it!" Well, if I were being completely honest, I wanted to yell obscenities at them and punch them in the face.

It was a horrible fit. JD had to stay home from a birthday party. I had to put the ironing board in front of his room to prevent me from going and throwing him through the window. (Okay, not literal but I knew it was best for him to work this out on his own and I needed some time to cool off as well so I put up a physical barrier).

I'd never seen a child with so much rage. It wasn't a three year old tantrum. It was a glimpse of the pain that he must have felt. Rejection, abondment, fear, uncertainty, hunger, longing for love and familiarity--- it all came out that hot Saturday morning.