exerts from my journal
March 7, 2007
Father, please direct us with the adoption stuff. Lord, what specifications should we put down, if any? I am so anxious to get this process going! I CAN'T WAIT TO BE OBEDIENT TO YOUR CALLING!
March 28, 2007
I long to be obedient. I long to know and hear Your voice frequently. Lord if I were choosing, I would ask for a Hispanic or Caucasian boy age 18 months. Lord you know what we need though and I trust Your judgment over anyone else including mine.
April 4, 2007
Lord prepare our hearts for the child you have for us. May Thursday (cps orientation) be informative and action based. I am ready to get this thing moving but trust YOUR time more than anything else!
April 17, 2007
Lord the outpouring of love and support for the adoption stuff is amazing! Seriously, You are spectacular!
April 30, 2007
Jesus thank you for Your grace! Thank you for growing and teaching me and my trust/belief in You! Grace Chad and I with Your wisdom with the adoption stuff as we get one step closer to it all being real tonight with training.
May 16, 2007
Lord, I could really use Your stabilization of emotions. Jesus, I am not sure what is causing the uncertainty of not wanting children. is it fear?
Fear of: loss of "me time"; sharing Chad; 1 more person to care for; forever
commitment; letting go of dreams; will be defined by kids; making our parents
mistakes; unclean house; having to be the bad parent; loss of freedom; LIFETIME
COMMITMENT
if I were to have gotten pregnant I wouldn't have a choice, now I have to chose to want a baby and I guess I am scared Lord. Jesus, I hand my fears and expectations, my anticipation and apprehension over to You Lord God. --being attacked in a new way--
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